Feeling numb..

I feel numb..
My "baby" is sick and I cannot help him be well again..
I cannot help him eat,
I cannot help him be fat and happy again..
All I can do is cry and pray and watch him deteriorate day by day
I am helpless, I am scared, I am sad
I wish there was a small miracle that could help me now..
I wish that he could be with me longer
I wish that he could tell me where it hurts or how he feels or what he'd like to eat
I wish I could tell him what he means to me
I wish I could tell him how much I love him and how much I'll miss him
Actually I miss him already
I have to prepare to let him go..
Just like my other boys
He's been with me through everthing, my saddest, dummest, happiest and dreamy moments, never judging, always loving..
I cant bear thinking what it would be like without him..

Please let him stay with me a little longer
Please let us find a cure for his disease..
I still need him
I still want him around
Its crazy but I dont even want to let him see me cry because somehow I know he knows he's leaving me..
I guess they'll say I'm crazy but he's my best "friend"
I love him with all my heart
I'll never find another like him, loving, clever, cuddly
I know he doesnt belong to me so i have to let him go but its difficult..

Ya Allah, I need help.. Help me face this..
Help Yoba. Ease his pain and end his misery fast and painlessly..

Yoba, Mummy loves you so much but you dont belong to me.
I love you.
Thank you for the best 13 years of my life..

The sadness is so intense that I feel extremely numb and nauseous.