Monday, July 26, 2004


It's sad to realize that when you are married all the bonds you use to have with your siblings is limited. All marital affairs seem like "out-of-bound" areas where unless you are allowed in there is no way you can gain access. With my marital problems, I seem to be able to share it with everyone. I don't see it as a problem to tell people although when I think of it, it may seem a little degrading to expose your problems to people. I find it however therapeutic to talk it out of my system and it doesn't matter who it is so long as the person is willing to listen and is close enough to know who and what I am talking about. 

The people I often pour my heart out to are usually my sisters and brothers and my good friends. Good friends I mean, my best friend, a few of my school friends, my husband's friend's wives and my colleagues.  To my siblings I often spill out so as to get a genuine response. They often give you honest advice, are not judgemental and do not take sides. 

Each and every sibling of mine has had their fair share of trying and testing times during our course of life. Together we saw the hardships of maintaining a marriage through the actions of my parents who have had a tough marriage life. I myself have lived a traumatic childhood with a divorced Aunt but my Aunt has taught me how to look at problems and reflect on the positive things that you can gain from the situation. She also taught me how to accept things that you are faced in our lives.

Now that we are each married and have children of our own, we struggle to maintain the bond that we used to have and try to help each other the best we can to cope with the situation.  It's frustrating due to the limitations of our access to the family life we each now own. Even if my sisters, brothers or friends go through a tough time, I can only sit and wait and hope that it passess quickly and settles properly so that they can go on living happily again.

My husband has let me come into a loving family. A family who supports unconditionally and quietly. My in-laws have shown me what it's like to be part of a "normal" family.  But with them there are still limitations on what you can discuss.  Somethings may hurt them or you may accidentally let them in on your deepest darkest secrets. You'd also have to be very careful as some things you say may be used against you later.

I must say that without all my friends, I couldnt have made it either. They help me learn that other families have worse problems than mine in other ways and make me really grateful for everything I have.  My friends have been there through thick and thin and I can only pray that if they go through anything that I will be able to be there for them.

After having a good chat with all the different people, I sometimes get ideas on how to accept the problems I face and sometimes after talking to some I find the solutions or options for solutions to the many dilemmas I face.

To Kakak, Saba, Najee and Yat, thanks for forever being there and supporting me. I love you dearly.

To Shima, thanks for your eternal friendship. Although you have always been there for me through every down part of my life, I have never been able to repay you during the times you need support most. I hope that Allah will repay your kindness for me.

To Mazura, Adelaine, Alys and Dr. Sia, thanks for listening to my dramas every Mondays after an "eventful" weekend. Thanks for caring and lending me your hearts.

To Farah, Jaz, Ella, Dez, Aiza and Mel, I thank you for being really patient listeners and sparing the time to help me let out my frustrations. I truly appreciate it.

To everyone that I have mentioned or I have not mentioned, thanks for seeing me through my difficult times.

An finally to my husband, thank you for lovingand supporting me.

May Allah bless you with friends and family like He has blessed me.


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