Happy Mum's Day..

Happy Mother's Day to all mums around the world.

Today, I celebrated mother's day with Kiki and her grandmothers.. Today was the first time MY MUM wished me Happy Mother's Day too :-)..

I sat and watched a mommy-movie and realised that being a mom is not as easy as it looks but yet not as difficult but heavily drains our emotions and strength, its full of worries especially when you start thinking of the kind of children you want your kids to be and how to get there, full of sacrifices and major tests on your patience and perserverence..and yet a mom's job still doesnt end there..

As I sat looking at Kiki sleep today, I wonder what kind of mother I'll be in the future. Will I be someone who Kiki would miss and want to run to? Can I be that person? Does she know how much I love her despite me being angry at her? Will I be able to control my fears and frustrations? Will i be able to guide her to become "that" human being which I really hope she will be? Is that too much? Is that forcing her? I really cant tell. Nobody knows what is right and what is wrong. The outcome is pretty much different for all mums.

As I write this, I am thinking of a few mums (M,F,S,Z,A) who have held my hand through thick and thin, those mums who stayed up all night with me, picked up their phones and called me, checked on me, replied my sms-es and hugged me when I felt like I was not completely a mum and didnt know which way to turn. THEY gave me advise and helped me raise Kiki. Thanks dear mums.

But..what I hoped to be a "nice" day for me ended with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes with no wishes to remember by.. Not even a hug.. instead it included sour faces and anger..