Friday, September 17, 2004

What do we really want in life?

Lately I have been asking myself this question way too many times but still I cant seem to convince myself what it is that I really want in life.

Alhamdulillah, Allah has blessed me with a wonderful husband, family and lots of wonderful friends but I still feel as if it's not enough. What it is thats not enoug? I really cant say..

I think its got to do with money. May be not a lot but I guess its money. I have a great job where my colleagues are great and we work with a lot of great people who are not hyprocrits and are passionate about what they do. I love working in the NGO field but in monetary terms its a little "sakit"..

I feel like heading back into the Engineering field but I dont know if I can handle it anymore. Its not as bad as it sounds. I think going back would have its advantages but will it be the same as the last time I was in it?

Going by my gut feelings, I want a family. Working in the technical field will naturally make me a busier person thus reducing my chances of getting pregnant.. given that my history of getting pregnant and staying pregnant has always been dramatic.. at least where i am now, they understand my situation and are very flexible.

I wish I had slgihtly more money, so that I can pay my debts but earning more means working more and more stress. I dont want that but I need the money. I have enough but it would always be nice if I had more. Then I an pay my credit card bills, repair my shoes, pick up my laundry, go for facials, waxing etc.

I know this is the limit of what God has provided for me. When I look at the bigger picture, as Najah pointed out to me, my rezeki actually lies through my huusband and all the other greater things I have in life which money cant buy.

So thats the thing, if money isnt the issue, then I should stay at the present job. but in order to not waste my engineering degree i need to move back into the technical field before its to late.. However, if I want a family, I need to work find a less stressful job, so that I can be closer to home and be closer to my children..

Anyway, thanks Najah & Penny for joining Zairul and me for dinner and also getting me the beautiful kebaya. I hope Allah will let you know soon on what decision you should be making and hopefully it will happen soon. You are always in my prayers.

Congratulations Shima on the great news, a new baby on the way!! Although it came a little late.. but please take good care.. make sure sapu nutri rich oil on your tummy..

Congratulations to Eja and Fahim on the arrival of their baby boy this morning..

Congratulations to Mazura for your next baby..

Lots of love to Zairul whom has supported me through my lowest times..


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