Monday, June 20, 2005

Living in the present

As I sit at my desk reading through the many blogs of friends and friends-of-friends, I realize that being happy with what you have in the present is what matters most.

I have stopped writing in this blog I started to get over the loss of my son in 2004 but today I felt like I need to let out some suppressed feelings which I have kept for sometime.

I feel very sad that one of our friends has been diagnosed with cancer. He is a fun loving healthy man whom you'd think would live disease free forever. But being the positive person that he is, he is still upbeat and funny despite his illness. I am saddened on how delicate life is. It is too close for comfort. This is the closest I have ever come to a cancer patient.

I have just turned 30 and suddenly I feel like I am closer to death than I ever was. What have I done in the past 30 years? Not much..I haven't achieved anything great except being married to a wonderful husband. I suppose thats an achievement (Syukur Alhamdulillah) given that presently 7 out of 10 of our friends are divorced. However, I would have liked to have achieved something that is extraordinary like starting to wear the 'tudung', going to umrah or even something different like starting a recycling group near our house.. But still I haven't gotten around to doing it.

I wont go into the sad parts in my past which have affected me deeply but I would like to highlight the wonderful parts that have helped me through my troubles..

1. My dear husband - of whom I owe a lot to for being really patient with me and loving me.
2. My family - who are there for my anytime of the day
3. My friends - mostly who have to deal with my "pot-pet-ing" when I have problems or issues that I tak puas hati
4. My In-laws - who I love and who take me in as one of them
5. My lovely old cat Yoba - who gives me the best attention anyone could have

I have often weighed the goods and the bads in my life and now I feel better knowing that despite all the bad that I have been through, I still have more good in my life than most other people.

I now know that enjoying and making the most of the present is what matters most. As my husband always stresses when I am sad or worried about the future, the past we cannot change and the future we have no control over so dont bother with things you cannot change and make the best of what you have now.

To Mr. Foo, I really hope you will recover.

To Yoba, I hope you live well into your old age. I love you.

To my dearest Baby, please help me be more confident to face the future which is too bleak for me to see for the moment.

To Allah, Alhamdulillah for all the little pleasures you have given me, my health, my job, my safety, my family, my friends and best of all my husband.

I guess my 'biasa' life seems good enough for me for now.


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