Monday, June 27, 2005

Ampunkan dosaku..

Lately I have been having doubts on whether we should be going for Umrah or not. I know its a good thing and I have postponed it far too many times, and given that we have gone through so many unhappy moments in the past years, I thought that the trip to Umrah would do us a lot of good.

I know that if you have faith in Allah he will reward us with blessings beyond our imaginations.. but being the pessimist that I am, I started stressing over our finances and got all upset. I guess Allah has shown me some light as I realised that all the people I talked to have encouraged us to go for Umrah despite the financial difficulties.

Like Najee said, " You shouldn't put off good things. Just go and then think about the next course of action later. InsyaAllah Allah will help you."

When I spoke to Yong, she too said the same thing and so did Zaman and Zailene.

I know I want to go, but I was worried that if we use up our savings, we might be short of cash for our plans after like paying for the house, the medical bills for the pregnancy etc. I will be out of work by early next year and saving this much money will take us a long time...

BUT, I am sure Allah has something planned for us. He just wants to see if we were really serious about going and if we were going to give up.

Mama called this morning and she told me that Allah wouldn't like it if I said that by going for Umrah we will have no money. Hmm, now I feel really guilty for saying all the negative things before this.

Ya Allah, ampunkan dosa ku dan murahkan rezeki kami untuk ke tanah sucimu..

Friday, June 24, 2005

...geramnya...

Have you ever tried to do something efficiently only to end up wasting a lot of resources and time and not complete the job at all???

I have been trying to back up my hard drive after all the junk I collected during the last SM2005 Conference but the CD burner has just wasted 3 CDs and on top of that I spent a whole day waiting for all these documents to be transferred from one medium to the next.. Baik tak yah backup kalau macam nie..

Aaaarrrgghhhh geramnya!!!

Mata Gatal..


I am glad we took this picutre.. I've always wanted a picture hugging Zairul, all dressed up in a garden.. This was perfect..

Tq Bad for letting us do the "Bollywood" thing.

Abdul Malik Yoba


Yoba.. the love of my life after Zairul..

Thursday, June 23, 2005

A new baby

Alhamdulillah, little baby Musa was born to Dezryn and Amil at 8.10pm weighing 3.55kg.

Praying that we'll get to feel the same joy soon..

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Happiness

I am currently reading a self-help book on how to achieve happiness. It's quite easy really..

I found a small sense of happiness when my husband came up with a solution on payment arrangements for our new car..

Thanks darling.. Yes, I am much calmer now.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Living in the present

As I sit at my desk reading through the many blogs of friends and friends-of-friends, I realize that being happy with what you have in the present is what matters most.

I have stopped writing in this blog I started to get over the loss of my son in 2004 but today I felt like I need to let out some suppressed feelings which I have kept for sometime.

I feel very sad that one of our friends has been diagnosed with cancer. He is a fun loving healthy man whom you'd think would live disease free forever. But being the positive person that he is, he is still upbeat and funny despite his illness. I am saddened on how delicate life is. It is too close for comfort. This is the closest I have ever come to a cancer patient.

I have just turned 30 and suddenly I feel like I am closer to death than I ever was. What have I done in the past 30 years? Not much..I haven't achieved anything great except being married to a wonderful husband. I suppose thats an achievement (Syukur Alhamdulillah) given that presently 7 out of 10 of our friends are divorced. However, I would have liked to have achieved something that is extraordinary like starting to wear the 'tudung', going to umrah or even something different like starting a recycling group near our house.. But still I haven't gotten around to doing it.

I wont go into the sad parts in my past which have affected me deeply but I would like to highlight the wonderful parts that have helped me through my troubles..

1. My dear husband - of whom I owe a lot to for being really patient with me and loving me.
2. My family - who are there for my anytime of the day
3. My friends - mostly who have to deal with my "pot-pet-ing" when I have problems or issues that I tak puas hati
4. My In-laws - who I love and who take me in as one of them
5. My lovely old cat Yoba - who gives me the best attention anyone could have

I have often weighed the goods and the bads in my life and now I feel better knowing that despite all the bad that I have been through, I still have more good in my life than most other people.

I now know that enjoying and making the most of the present is what matters most. As my husband always stresses when I am sad or worried about the future, the past we cannot change and the future we have no control over so dont bother with things you cannot change and make the best of what you have now.

To Mr. Foo, I really hope you will recover.

To Yoba, I hope you live well into your old age. I love you.

To my dearest Baby, please help me be more confident to face the future which is too bleak for me to see for the moment.

To Allah, Alhamdulillah for all the little pleasures you have given me, my health, my job, my safety, my family, my friends and best of all my husband.

I guess my 'biasa' life seems good enough for me for now.