Thursday, July 29, 2004

My first home

Alhamdulillah. Allah has granted Zairul and me a beautiful home. Although it will only be ready in July 2006, I can almost see it and feel what it will be like when we do live there. I can't wait to decorate the house together according to our taste. I can't wait to bake and cook in a kitchen which I decorated, sit in my lounge which we chose the couch. But most of all I can't wait to bring my beautiful darling cat, Yoba, home, to stay with me just like the old days.

Buying your first home is not as easy as I thought it would be. Given that my husband is the kind that looks for 100 options before he decides and it takes many days, weeks sometimes months before he decides as well.

I love the thought of knowing that I am safe and within reach of Kakak, Saba, Yat, Farah, Shaf, Mosh, Dain and Mazura, should any emergencies arise. I also like the thought that the house is so close to my current office. Tesco, Ikea and 1 Utama are nearby too!!

I am truly blessed and am glad that Allah helped us get what we wanted. Although I must say Zairul and I went through many face making sessions, arguments, discussions that for a moment I didn't think we'd ever buy a house at the rate we were going. But Allah knows better and He made it happen.

Thanks B for buying us the home. Thanks Babah for being there to help us shop around for our first home. May it bring happiness to our family.

Monday, July 26, 2004

Limitations

It's sad to realize that when you are married all the bonds you use to have with your siblings is limited. All marital affairs seem like "out-of-bound" areas where unless you are allowed in there is no way you can gain access. With my marital problems, I seem to be able to share it with everyone. I don't see it as a problem to tell people although when I think of it, it may seem a little degrading to expose your problems to people. I find it however therapeutic to talk it out of my system and it doesn't matter who it is so long as the person is willing to listen and is close enough to know who and what I am talking about. 

The people I often pour my heart out to are usually my sisters and brothers and my good friends. Good friends I mean, my best friend, a few of my school friends, my husband's friend's wives and my colleagues.  To my siblings I often spill out so as to get a genuine response. They often give you honest advice, are not judgemental and do not take sides. 

Each and every sibling of mine has had their fair share of trying and testing times during our course of life. Together we saw the hardships of maintaining a marriage through the actions of my parents who have had a tough marriage life. I myself have lived a traumatic childhood with a divorced Aunt but my Aunt has taught me how to look at problems and reflect on the positive things that you can gain from the situation. She also taught me how to accept things that you are faced in our lives.

Now that we are each married and have children of our own, we struggle to maintain the bond that we used to have and try to help each other the best we can to cope with the situation.  It's frustrating due to the limitations of our access to the family life we each now own. Even if my sisters, brothers or friends go through a tough time, I can only sit and wait and hope that it passess quickly and settles properly so that they can go on living happily again.

My husband has let me come into a loving family. A family who supports unconditionally and quietly. My in-laws have shown me what it's like to be part of a "normal" family.  But with them there are still limitations on what you can discuss.  Somethings may hurt them or you may accidentally let them in on your deepest darkest secrets. You'd also have to be very careful as some things you say may be used against you later.

I must say that without all my friends, I couldnt have made it either. They help me learn that other families have worse problems than mine in other ways and make me really grateful for everything I have.  My friends have been there through thick and thin and I can only pray that if they go through anything that I will be able to be there for them.

After having a good chat with all the different people, I sometimes get ideas on how to accept the problems I face and sometimes after talking to some I find the solutions or options for solutions to the many dilemmas I face.


To Kakak, Saba, Najee and Yat, thanks for forever being there and supporting me. I love you dearly.

To Shima, thanks for your eternal friendship. Although you have always been there for me through every down part of my life, I have never been able to repay you during the times you need support most. I hope that Allah will repay your kindness for me.

To Mazura, Adelaine, Alys and Dr. Sia, thanks for listening to my dramas every Mondays after an "eventful" weekend. Thanks for caring and lending me your hearts.

To Farah, Jaz, Ella, Dez, Aiza and Mel, I thank you for being really patient listeners and sparing the time to help me let out my frustrations. I truly appreciate it.

To everyone that I have mentioned or I have not mentioned, thanks for seeing me through my difficult times.

An finally to my husband, thank you for lovingand supporting me.

May Allah bless you with friends and family like He has blessed me.

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

The perfect home

Ever wanted to buy a house? Well, let me tell you it takes a lot of patience.. You would need to choose the house that fits your budget, then the location, the size, is it facing the direction of the morning sun or the evening sun? What is built or will be built in front of your house? Is there a junction? Can the driveway fit 2 cars? Where is the nearest mosque? How far is it from the place you work to the house in case of emergencies? Are there any good schools? Is it accessible from many highways or main roads? Is your apouse going to agree with your thoughts on the locality or condition of the house? Should you buy another house with the same size but much more expensive?

As a mother-to-be my main concern is the distance to the house in of emergencies, the distance from the school that we'll be sending our child too, are there hospitals and grocecry stores near by for those "emergency" times? Isn't this important to the "fathers" out there?

What is the MAIN deciding factor? I cant seem to find it now.. It's frustrating because when you finally figure it out, the houses are gone.  Then we have to go through the whole process again.. Aaarrgghh.. all these questions and all the answers might or might not be available and yet it's difficult to decide even when there are 2 heads thinking about it..

Monday, July 19, 2004

Mondays...

Oh boy it's Monday again.. Wish there was such a thing as a three day weekend.. well may be not.. This Monday wasn't too bad.. It's  nice to know that we had just received a grant from one of the local company's and we can now go on doing our bit to save the environment. I would like to say thank you very much to the company and may your good deeds be rewarded through better business in the future.

Friday, July 16, 2004

Finding a job..

I need to find a new job... But I dont really want to leave this dead end job as its benefits proof to be advantages during pregnancy.. But I need to gain more experiencee in the outside world for the benefit of my family.. Its frustrating, its scary. I feel that I am incompetent. Am I really? How do you know? I seem to carry on well no matter what I face but the fear is still there.. I think I should just dive head on into it but which job should I jump into? I hope to see the answers over the weekend before I have to make the decision... Have a great weekend..

Thursday, July 15, 2004

Hello

I was told to start one of my own by a friend because I normally write to calm myself down when I am overcome by emotions be it sad, angry or happy. Well here it goes.. Wish me luck!!